I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
