I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
