I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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