i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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