last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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