if i can run in heels then i can drive
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
