it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
