I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
