I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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