at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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