We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
