dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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