drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
