I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize