YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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