i may or may not be watching the land before time
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
