i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
