Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
