so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
