I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
