It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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