id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
