hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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