dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
