She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
