Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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