I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
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I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
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I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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