I am in a vortex of obligation.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize