Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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