Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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