I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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