I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
