and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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