Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
