doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
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Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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