i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you traded sex for a burrito?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
