I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he fucked my hip out of place.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
