Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
