It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
