white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
