he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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