I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
BRING THE BAGELS
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
