You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
