Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
