thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
