next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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