in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm too high and old for this...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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