Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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