My liver just broke up with me...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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