You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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