Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
