We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
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Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Please don't give away my fajitas
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