The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
