Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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