Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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