You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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