'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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