in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
