i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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