I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So apparently I’m into choking now
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
