i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
