And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
