Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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