Old men and throwing up are my life now.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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