Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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