He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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