It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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