i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
