marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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