It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
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Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
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can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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