I want to stick my p in your. b.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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