It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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