shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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