i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
