He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
